Life’s realisations

I was discussing with a friend last night my relationship with money and how I would like it to be better.  I have been feeling anxious about it, I used to take it very seriously and frankly the thought of spending made me seize up – oh no…. We can’t have fun with money can we!!! I used to equate the amount of it I had to my feeling of security.  I would look at my bank account daily and get my feelings of security and freedom from how much was in there. I would get stressed about it and worry about not having enough so thus that became my reality.  I was focussing on the money, focussing on the end result when knowing deep down that how I feel about money is just the symptom of something deeper – actually how I feel about myself. If I am feeling insecure about money, it’s about me feeling insecure on some level about myself.  I have just so happened to associate that feeling to money.

I came up with the analogy that money is just a measuring tool, it’s really a ruler and a bit like a spirit level, when we are in balance the bubble floats and the liquid is still. How do I feel about rulers?? Well nothing, it’s an instrument, a tool! I don’t get stressed about rulers. Whilst reflecting on the conversation, I had a realisation that you know, I don’t know what’s going to happen in my life going forwards, yes ok I am going to plan and know the direction I’m heading in but I don’t know what will come up, what opportunities, what disappointment’s or twists and turns that life will throw at me, so what’s the point in stressing out about it, what am I doing listening to all of those negative thoughts. I’d much rather be happier, feel at peace and enjoy myself. So today I feel much lighter, relaxed and knowing that it is me who is creating my feelings not the money I have in my bank account.  Outside things cannot create my feelings, I create them.  I thought after this, right- I need to go to my therapist and get this sorted once and for all and then I realised that it’s not that I get it sorted and for the rest of my life all will be fine. It’s a journey, an ever evolving and self-realisation journey that we measure by our results and sometimes it is going to be easier and sometimes harder and as it’s all a flow sometimes I may have more and sometimes less and actually the key to security, peace and freedom is accepting that this flow and journey is the joy of life, embrace it.

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